it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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