i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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