Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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