What did we do last night that was yellow?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
