My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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