You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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