i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
