So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
