I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
