My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
