Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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