If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
