is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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