college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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