Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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