In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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