forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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