Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize