I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
