Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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