somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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