Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
