My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
