Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
