My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize