you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
