So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
