so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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