The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize