In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
