I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
