I'm drive I can fine osifer
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
