She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
