where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
