I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sext me about skeletons
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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