If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
