Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize