Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
