Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
