There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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