tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
