all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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