Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
