The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
