HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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