Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He felt like a one man threesome
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
