also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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