oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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