You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
