i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
