That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
