Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
