32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
