I checked into jail on foursquare
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize