i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
