i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
