My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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