i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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