I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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