Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
