Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
