cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize