WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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