So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
