I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
