Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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