Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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