guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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