I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
