I think im going to throw up on grandma
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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