Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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