I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
