Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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