paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
