so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
