So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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