Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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