It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
