so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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