haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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