if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
