Just fell off a train. Bad.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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