Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
