He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
