Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad

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(203): View more from Connecticut

you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small

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(720): View more from Colorado

He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.

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(208): View more from Idaho

She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".

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(+45): View more from Denmark

You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?

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(314): View more from Missouri

She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.

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(818): View more from California

I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.

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(540): View more from Virginia

I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.

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