She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize