Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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