I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
