if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
