I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
this boner is exhausting
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I stole a fireplace last night.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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