i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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