He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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