no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize